Why can't I just be happy?

i'm 15 years old and i cannot ever be happy. i have an extremely low self esteem. i have emt the love of my life, do not start telling me OH YOUR YOUNG ITS JJUST FUN, bc im not gonna listen to that. he makes me soo happy... he does everything for me. hes 16. he currently lives in another state, he moved. we talk every night on webcam and sometimes even fall asleep. he has never hurt me. and he never will. SO WHY AM I UNHAPPY?? i am home schooled, so i have no no friends... at all... please help! ims cared i dont wana leave him! im so close to killing myself i dont want professional help jsut please... what do i do?